Sultans of Splat

If the real world were a cartoon drawn and directed by GO Magazine, soldiers and militants would just settle all wars and jihads with friendly games of paintball, not bullets and bombs. And if that were the case, we'd need look no further than Springfield's own Karnage Industry paintball team to man the front lines.

Karnage, captained by Scott Cook and co-captained by Chris Clinkingbeard and Lance Hunton, travels the country year-round playing paintball on the Division III tournament level. Karnage isn't "professional," though they could be called professional-level, but they have put in respectable showings at a number of national tournaments. Next up: The World Cup in Orlando, Florida November 6-13.

Clinkingbeard, 33, is a graybeard in what he calls a "young man's sport." Karnage Industry (so named because of the Karnage brand of paint they use) has members as young as 14 and as old as 44. During the week, they dwell in all walks of life: Students, business owners, corporate chefs, waiters and other working types. On weekends, they come together to practice and, time and money allowing, travel to tournaments and splatter some ass.

Thanks to its sponsorship deal with Karnage-a nationally sold brand of paintball paint owned and distributed by Paint Games Plus-the team gets their paintballs free. It's a nice cost relief in an otherwise expensive sport; top-of-the-line guns and equipment run hundreds of dollars. Clinkingbeard says they'll shoot about 40 cases of paint at a given XBall tournament (see sidebar below to learn what XBall is). At 2,000 paintballs per case...you do the math. (Give up? That's 80,000 paintballs.)

If you think teams-even good ones-hit the field and just pump as many paintballs at their opponents as possible, you would be right. "The strategy is pretty freewheeling," Clinkingbeard says. Teams develop a special language to communicate on the field; landmarks are nicknamed, each player has a number and the field is marked off not unlike a football field. For example, "50-Tape Dorito" might mean a certain opponent is in the bunker at the mid-field mark. Or it might not-only Clinkingbeard and his teammates know for sure. "If you're not having communication, you're going to fail," Clinkingbeard says.

So what's it like being a top-notch paintball player? Clinkingbeard estimates the team spends more than eight hours a week just practicing at Paint Games Plus and other regional fields. That doesn't even include travel time (several of the Karnage players are from the Lake of the Ozarks area). They'll play pick-up games against visitors at Paint Games Plus, or divide up and play each other. Karnage also invites other teams to play them for practice.

So does it eventually stop hurting when you get hit? Clinkingbeard says yes, though there are soft spots like the sides, thighs and the back of the neck that are always painful to take a shot. "You get over it," he says. "Usually there's so much adrenaline going [you don't even notice it]."

Think you've got what it takes to shoot with the big boys? Clinkingbeard says the best way to get involved-whether it's with Karnage or another team-is to play open-session games at Paint Games Plus (1411 W. Kearney St., 417-866-8862,paintgamesplus. com). Many of the referees are on teams themselves and keep their eyes peeled for talented players. Cook and Clinkingbeard both work at Paint Games Plus, so they'll be the ones you want to impress...by shooting them.