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CommentsMovie Previews: In Haiku
Despite the rescheduling of a number of buzz-worthy movies to next summer (see: The Road, Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince), there are plenty of great flicks playing during the holiday season. Here’s a sampling. And, because we despise long-winded critics, each one is previewed in only 17 syllables.
Quantum of Solace (Now playing)
Bond is so angry.
Not even good booty can
Make a Double-Oh.
Twilight (November 21)
Porno for goth kids.
Lightness? No more in pop lit.
Tennyboppers suck.
Australia (November 26)
Baz, Nicole and Hugh.
Crocodile Dundee meets
Pearl Harbor. Bonzer!
Milk (November 26)
Sean Penn Oscar bait.
San Francisco politics.
Gayness reigns, ‘nuff said.
Four Christmases (November 26)
Oh Vince Vaughn! And Reese!
Girlfriends and moms alike
will not miss this flick.
Frost/Nixon (December 5)
Indie movie! Neat!
About the worst interview,
Til’ Sarah Palin’s.
The Day the Earth Stood Still (December 12)
Big imposing orb,
Holds Keanu and a ‘bot.
But we don’t know why.
Che (December 12)
Biopic about
the dude on all the T-shirts
campus hipsters wear.
Doubt (December 12)
Oscar buzz, fo sho’.
Hoffman, Streep, morality.
Wake us when it wins.
The Wrestler (December 17)
Hey! That’s Mickey Rourke!
We’ve not seen you in about
9 and ½ Weeks.
Yes Man (December 17)
Jim Carrey can’t say no.
But we wish that he would start.
First up: Crappy scripts.
Marley and Me (December 25)
Posters show a dog.
And since we’re all big suckers,
It will make billions.
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button (December 25)
Brad Pitt ages wrong.
Born old, dies as an infant.
Angie’d still hit that.
Revolutionary Road (December 26)
Leo. Kate. Back again.
But now the only doomed ship
is their marriage. *glub*
Valkyrie (December 26)
Tom Cruise tries to off
Hitler? Strange. We’re pretty sure
Hitler took NO meds.
