Ask Mr. Foodie!

Impress your significant other or break up with him or her. Your choice.

Q. Dear Mr. Foodie:
I would like to break up with my boyfriend but am very passive-aggressive. Is there some sort of food I can prepare for our next date night that will signal my disgruntlement?

A. You should prepare a tuna casserole served with a side of cheese cubes. At least this would precipitate a breakup if you were dating Mr. Foodie. There is no reason to date anyone who would marry canned tuna, canned peas and cornflake topping.

Q. Dear Mr. Foodie:
Things seem to be progressing with my girlfriend. She even invited me over to her place for date night! What should I bring?

A. Assuming your girlfriend isn’t preparing you a tuna casserole served with a side of cheese cubes, this shouldn’t be too hard. If she’s easygoing about crumbs, something as simple as a jar of Nutella and fluffy, crusty white baguette would be a fun-to-share couple-y dessert (ripping the bread apart and drizzling chocolate-hazelnut goo, mmm). If she’s more high-maintenance, stick to a bottle of her favorite wine.